One Year Later

"And He shall wipe away all their tears ..." Revelation 21:4

I really don’t want to be here,

but when God  told me to write  He was sincere.

It’s been 1 year but the pain still feels like yesterday.

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow sometimes it all feels the same.  So who’s to blame?

I wish I had somebody I could hate, but the gentle way Dad was laid to rest I can appreciate.

A year later I’m a broken man, better yet a boy that just misses his daddy.

Like a caddy, I carry the legacy, pain and emotion on the inside.

I still cry.

But I don’t cry tears cause I’m hopeless, I cry tears cause I’m hopeful.

A handful, of times I just get mad and want to cuss.

 But no matter the fuss I know you’re still resting, cause God’s testing.

Me.

It’s just sometimes I feel like I’m failing, cause my heart is ailing

and I need you to help me be a man.

But you’ve done your job.  … And now it’s my turn.

So I return the knowledge you’ve given Me to my son.

Just one

Just one time, one moment I wish you two could meet.

 He’s got a smile that would knock you off of your feet.

I concede defeat

Because sometimes it’s just too much.

One touch

One look at him and I see me. I look in the mirror and I see you.

I look again and I see us.  …So where is the trust?

 The trust is there but it doesn’t heal the pain.

It doesn’t remove the stain.

So I’m pointing to the heavens, “In Jesus name”

Take this pain,

 I’m shook to the frame

and when I’ve had enough

 … Lord just keep me sane!

This is how I grieve

Through this pen and pad

I love you dad, I just wish I could write how bad.

No descriptions No words, no thoughts

Could ever paint that canvas.

 I can’t stand this,

But your son has got to be the man,

No better yet the father, no bother

I find it a joy, cause like a toy I throw him up like you used to do me.

It’s like life repeats itself so fluently.

So now I’m in your shoes and they feel quite comfortable.

You’ve done your job so there’s no more need to rhyme.

This is for you.

This is for EJ

This is for Me

This is for us

See ya when I get there.

                                                          Revalation 21:4