One Year Later

"And He shall wipe away all their tears ..." Revelation 21:4

I really don’t want to be here,

but when God  told me to write  He was sincere.

It’s been 1 year but the pain still feels like yesterday.

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow sometimes it all feels the same.  So who’s to blame?

I wish I had somebody I could hate, but the gentle way Dad was laid to rest I can appreciate.

A year later I’m a broken man, better yet a boy that just misses his daddy.

Like a caddy, I carry the legacy, pain and emotion on the inside.

I still cry.

But I don’t cry tears cause I’m hopeless, I cry tears cause I’m hopeful.

A handful, of times I just get mad and want to cuss.

 But no matter the fuss I know you’re still resting, cause God’s testing.

Me.

It’s just sometimes I feel like I’m failing, cause my heart is ailing

and I need you to help me be a man.

But you’ve done your job.  … And now it’s my turn.

So I return the knowledge you’ve given Me to my son.

Just one

Just one time, one moment I wish you two could meet.

 He’s got a smile that would knock you off of your feet.

I concede defeat

Because sometimes it’s just too much.

One touch

One look at him and I see me. I look in the mirror and I see you.

I look again and I see us.  …So where is the trust?

 The trust is there but it doesn’t heal the pain.

It doesn’t remove the stain.

So I’m pointing to the heavens, “In Jesus name”

Take this pain,

 I’m shook to the frame

and when I’ve had enough

 … Lord just keep me sane!

This is how I grieve

Through this pen and pad

I love you dad, I just wish I could write how bad.

No descriptions No words, no thoughts

Could ever paint that canvas.

 I can’t stand this,

But your son has got to be the man,

No better yet the father, no bother

I find it a joy, cause like a toy I throw him up like you used to do me.

It’s like life repeats itself so fluently.

So now I’m in your shoes and they feel quite comfortable.

You’ve done your job so there’s no more need to rhyme.

This is for you.

This is for EJ

This is for Me

This is for us

See ya when I get there.

                                                          Revalation 21:4

Tiger Woods – Making it thru the cut

Fact: In golf a cut is made after two days of play, those who make the cut still have a chance to win the tournament.

Fact: Since the beginning of time every powerful man who has ever fallen has succumb to one of two things; money or women. When you mix the two usually trouble ensues.

Fact: contrary to my stunning good looks and my charming persona, … I’m really not perfect.

While it would be easy to just berate Tiger for his alleged indiscretion I want to offer a different prospective on the situation. To those who know me know that I am huge fan of tigers athletic and mental abilities however I am in no ways a “tiger apologist”. I am not saying he is 100% innocent because I believe that where there is smoke
there’s fire.

At last count there was 11 women claiming that they have “tamed” the tiger. Tigers camp has been quiet (probably been too busy writing checks for hush money) but whatever the case that brotha has gone underground. Now chances are infidelity is involved, I mean let’s not be blind here.

I believe Tiger fell into a trap that most Americans fall into and
that is the “idea” or “expectation” of marriage. I’m working on my 5th
year of marriage and it takes a lot of work. If it where easy then more
people would be successful at it. Think about this, the small amount of time he spent at Stanford and during his 20′s Tiger was preparing for greatness on the golf course while his buddies were partying and hanging with all sorts of different women. He never really got to be a college kid. Tiger couldn’t hang out on Saturday nights because most
likely he had to have his butt up at the crack of dawn on Sundays hitting golf balls. At the age of 21 when most guys are figuring out what they want to become in life Tiger was winning his 1st major.

Excuses? No .. Reality? Likely

Tiger you’re black.

For years tiger was accepted by our caucasian brethren and was in a realm no black man had entered since the likes of Micheal Jordan. Tiger you are the top dog and these guys that shook your hand and laughed at your corny jokes..they wanted you to fall. That’s why nobody has come to your defense except Jack. And all he said was that
it was none of his business. Whatever man just know that “WE” got your back and respect your privacy.

Tigers business is his business. We don’t know what was going on in his household or even how his wife was treating him. We simply don’t know.

Well Tiger here’s what I have to say: ” I have no stone to throw at you my brother. I hope you can save your marriage and I hope your kids will be able to grow up in a loving household.” There, I said it feel free to quote me on that.

Oh, you want my advice? .. .. .. .. Ok, well since you asked.

Move to Europe and join the European tour. Listen closely, this will stick it to the US media and not allow them to make money off you and invade your privacy. The PGA, their sponsors and even tabloids would take a hit financially from your absence. I wouldn’t step foot on US soil for a very long time. You need 5 more majors victories to be #1 all time. If you’re on the European tour you can still play(win) the British Open each year as well any major of your choice. It just makes sense.

Stick to your guns, handle your family business then get back on the course and kick everyone’s butt.

If you ever wanna play 18 ..I’ll clear my schedule, Hit me up on Facebook.

Peace

“Easy”

President Obama (A year later)

“Yes we can .. Yes we can”. …lol. I can still hear the chants now as America made history electing the first black President, the country “appeared” so united.

Strangers were hugging, people were crying and this “man” would not only save the world but he would do so while listening to Jay-Z and wearing Air force ones. He was the ultimate cool. He was the coolest thing since our last black President Bill Clinton. Short of playing the sax President O was the definition of swagger. He was a real life Dr. Huxtable without the three extra kids.

Thanks mostly in part to his predecessor every word that came out of his mouth seemed “annointed”. To a nation that was tired of being lied to he came along at the right place and at the right time. America was filled with optimism and I include myself in that statement, however my optimism was cautious as I wondered how much change can a inexperienced politician really bring about. I mean let’s be real, I voted for the man but he was inexperienced. Take off the rose colored glasses and hear what I’m saying, I support my president and think very highly of him but just because he’s black and I voted for him doesn’t mean he gets a free pass and can’t be critiqued.

Fast forward a year after that historic day and where are we now?

Let me propose to you that there are 3 types of political views today.

The Obamanites
“Oh you bet not say nothin bout my President”.
If this group had a slogan the previous statement would probably be it. These people are happy of the fact that Obama is black and in office and could actually care less about their local government and his day to day politics. Sad to say this group is made up of mostly (but not solely) democratic African Americans who love to a fault. (Aside: about to do a blog on that topic later). This group can find nothing wrong with our current commander in chief mainly because of his image and his skin color.

The Anti-Obamas
“Hang him!”
These haters are the polar opposite of the first group. They see NO good in the current President and would rather offer problems than solutions. This group is more affluent and up to date on politics as they wait to pounce on the Presidents first misstep. These people compare the President to hitler and are often pissed off over certain political issues. However it is my belief that these people aren’t pissed over issues like healthcare they’re upset over a negro being in office. Say what you want but I call a spade a spade. This group is made up mostly (but not solely) of conservative caucasions. The Limbaughs, Glenn Becks, and the Hannity’s would all like you to believe that Obama is the Anti-Christ and his sole purpose is destruction of this country. (If you don’t believe me listen to their shows if you can stomach it).

Sadly this group is just as delusional as the first and a year into his Presidency the world hasn’t exploded. Go figure.

So there we have it, we as a nation are now more divided as ever and racial differences which have seperated this country for years continue to do so.

What about the third group? I’d thought you’d never ask.

The third group are the unfortunate minorty. For every bad thing they see in our President they can find something good. They can see the good and the bad in both parties and don’t just ride the party line.

They are dare I say … “balanced” Wow isn’t that a concept? Too bad they are in the minority. President Obama still has 3 yrs left to write his legacy. The racial divide isn’t gonna get better so how about we try to find some common ground politically and live at peace with each other.

Change you can believe in? Only YOU can decide that.

Change of the gameplan

So I finally got my son to sleep and my blog post has changed completely. I was writing on something totally different tonight when the plan got changed. Picture the scene; mamma in the kitchen cooking and on the laptop. Dad sitting on the couch trying to console a fussy 7 week old, watch the laker game and bang out a blog post on his iPhone. Baby still crying even after dropping a load in his diaper, a bottle and spitting up on dad. These are the times i wish he could say “daddy I’m crying because (fill in the blank here).

Score: Big Edwin 0 – Little Edwin 50
I’m failing.

I steal away to the upstairs away from the technology that so surrounds my world into the master bedroom. I swaddle my son in a blanket to keep him warm and begin to rock him back and forth in the glider that sits in the corner of our room.

So there we are. In the quietness of the evening, no sounds except the gurgling of my son as he looks at me so innocent and unaware of my tiredness. After a while the wailing stops and he greets me with a smile that gives me a boost of energy and confidence that I can do this “father thing”.

The rocking and quiet environment eventually put him down for the count (as you are reading the completed blog post). And as I listen to him snore I ponder the lesson learned.

Sometimes we need to “get away” from our everyday distractions. When we do that we just might find something that will encourage us or bless us.

And if you are as lucky as me you will get a smile that will make you feel happy just to be in the game.

2 points for dad!

The Rebirth

I haven’t blogged in 4 months. The reason is because everytime I opened my mind to write the one constant was death. I needed time to grieve, I needed time to heal and I needed to just step back and live alittle. Make no mistake about it I still grieve for my father everyday but the legacy most go on.

Well I’m back.

Welcome to the “rebirth”. I will now blog more consistantly on a array of topics from politics, sports, religion and even fatherhood.

This is My spot .. This is my grind ..These are my thoughts, unfiltered and in living color. Interact with me don’t just be a voyeur but if all you want to do is watch/read I guess that’s cool too. Next blog post will be up by the end of the day.

Stay tuned.

The Connection

 

See you in the kingdom Pop

“That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, the Word of life.”  1 John 1:1

 

There are times I cry tears.

There are times I want to cry but instead the mixed up feelings move within me like a woman carrying a child. The dry throat, the blank stare and the tight lip are the outward signs of inward emotional disarray.

Sometimes it hurts the most when no tears fall.

This isn’t intended to induce tears but if it does …well you’re not alone.  

 

“…we have heard”

I still hear him say “Hey bud!” ..It was what he said every time I called. Sometimes I could even hear his smile through the phone.  

I still hear the laughter that filled the air in an imperfect home by a family that served a perfect God.

I still hear him …They’re called memories and they assist me in the healing process.

I still hear him.

The sounds haunt me as well as heal me. … The tears begin to flow, oh sweet relief!! … A little water spilled on my cheeks feels like a cool drink on a hot day.

Again, I don’t intend to induce your tears I’m only speaking from … what I have heard.

 

“…we have seen with our eyes”

He was one of the first people I ever saw on this earth. A model of what a man is supposed to be I would learn from observing.

As he watched me, I watched him.

When he didn’t think I was looking, I was still watching. I saw this man at the top and I have seen him at the bottom and yet the most precious moment wasn’t the basketball games or the fishing it was the time when he admitted his shortcomings and asked for MY forgiveness.

I’ve seen him cry, I’ve seen him angry, I’ve seen him happy, I’ve seen him smile but most of all … I’ve seen him love.

Again, I don’t intend to induce your tears I’m only speaking from … what I have seen.

 

“…our hands have handled”

I was never afraid to hug him and he was never afraid to spank me. (And hug me back). It must have been the great spanking of 92 when I had vowed that I had had enough. Needless to say that wasn’t the end.

I had contact with him on many occasions, hugging, wrestling, playing basketball, and of course the spankings.  To me he was the strongest man on the earth.

And he never used that strength in an abusive way.

Casting a fishing rod, shooting a basketball, changing a tire, tying a tie, making breakfast, tying a shoe, are all just a tip of the iceberg.

I have handled my father.

From him changing me as a baby to me changing him as an adult I have handled him.

I have helped him when he could not help himself, I have handled him.

I have grasped his hand and prayed for him, I have handled him.

…and I did it, with a smile on my heart.

My last moment was a gentle kiss on his forehead,

 …but my NEXT moment will be a great big hug!! …

…”Even so come Lord Jesus” Rev. 22:20

Again, I don’t intend to induce your tears I’m only letting you know … what my hands have handled.

 

 This blog isn’t intended to compare my father with Jesus rather it was an attempt to connect with the relationship between Jesus and his disciples and my father and I.

Thank you for being a part of my healing process. I hope you enjoyed it.

Humbly yours,

Easy

 

Can I get a witness?

They call him “King James”. Never before has there been so much hype, so much pressure and so much placed on the shoulders of a 19 yr old young man. It was only fitting that the one known as “King James ” should begin his NBA career against the Sacramento Kings. Nobody remembers that the Kings won the ball game, rather everyone was focused on James 25 points and 9 assists he dished out. From day one it was clear that Lebron was gonna be special. He wasn’t like a lot of other number one picks he was … different.

He said the right things.

He dressed the right way.

He was the consumate team player.

Oh and it doesn’t hurt when you’re 6’8, 260 can run like a gazelle and jump like another player that used to wear 23. He was it, the NBA’s saviour had come to set the marketing executives free from having to market subpar ball players with lackluster skills. A guy that could hit the winning shot, be graceful to the media and have your daughter home by eleven. This man was just too good to be true. After walking on water he later turned that water into Gatorade for his teamates to hydrate. NBA commissioner David Stern made law that everyone entering into the Cavs arena must first take off their shoes. ..”It just shows respect to the King”.

Of course all these reports aren’t varified.

For the first 5 years of his career Lebron hadn’t recieved any bad press … until now. Let me preface my statement by saying this, Lebron is what the NBA needs and I admire everything he stands for. However, when Lebron walked off the court and didn’t congratulate the other team and later failed to answer questions to reporters I was as dissappointed as those that had “witnessed” his greatness. To me this showed a lack of charachter, maturity and integrity.

In golf after a round is played you shake hands. .. Win or Lose

In hockey after a 3 quarters of battle they shake hands. … Win or Lose

In football after beating on each other, they shake hands. … Win or Lose

It’s called sportsmanship.

To me sportsmanship is the realization that … IT’S JUST A GAME. Yes Lebron we know you were mad and we know you are competive but I have to call you on this one. After sweeping the Pistons and the Hawks you couldn’t find enough hands to shake. You got your butt whipped and I know it hurts but don’t be mad at them, use it as motivation to make you better.

And to be honest, it really bothered me because I would NEVER let my son play any game like that. I tell him you play the game as hard as you can but at the end of the day you leave it on the field or court because it’s just a game. You can’t take your ball and leave because big brother just put the beatdown on you.

Anybody can be a good winner but a true champion will shine even in defeat.

Humbly Yours,

Easy

In the Pit

Rest in Peace. Martin Luther Powell
 
Funny thing happened after dad died … The sun had the nerve to come up the next morning. The world didn’t stop to mourn or even bat an eye.  I was forced to exist while it felt like I was only half the man I used to be. My world was in pieces because Pop was now resting.
 
Happy because he is in no more pain.

Sad because a piece of me was in that casket.

Confused because now how do I live? 

Angry because … Well just cause.
 
I am now like Joseph. This is my pit. This is when I see that it was never me holding onto God, but it was Him holding on to me.  … How do I know? I know because I wanted to let go, I tried to let go but those words of HIS  … “and He shall wipe away all their tears.” … “O Death where is thy sting? O grave where is thy victory?” ….  “I will never leave you” … “lean not into thine own understanding”. …”He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most high, shall abide in the shadow of the almighty.” …  Those words! That book!  … … That Man!

They were so real, they were so fresh. And then one day God said to me, “If I don’t answer your prayer the way you want AM I NOT STILL GOD?”
Faith? .. What about it?
 
What do you do when you try to claim Gods promises and God answers your prayers with, “Not this time” Do all things work together then? Anyone can praise God during a song and when the prayers are answered.
 
But show me what you got in the pit.
 
Its dark
Its cold

Its ugly
and at times … It’s lonely. 
 
Through the numbness of my “new” life God has still made it possible for me to laugh, love & live each day.
 

Sometimes I hurt,

Sometimes I cry,

Sometimes I laugh,

Sometimes I smile,

Sometimes I frown and sometimes I’m just … … … … … Quiet.
 
This is my pit. This is my lot. This is my cross. As I bear it God gives me strength. Correction God is my strength cause I’m just a sinner.
 
From the pit you realize life in its true perspective.
From the pit you realize how much you can take … and then some.
From  the pit the boys are separated from the Men.
The pit is a part of my training. God is in the process of making me a soldier and the powers of darkness should be very afraid of what I am becoming.  
 
Yes I’m in the pit now, but I have a grin on my face because I already see what I will become.

 

Even so come Lord Jesus.  Holla

 

EP

The Cup

“O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me:, nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.”

When Jesus was in the garden of Gethsemanee  He was at the apex of his mission on earth. The sins of the whole world rested upon his human shoulders as the connection He had with God was slowly being withdrawn. The pain and agony of being cut off from His father was too much to the point that He fell on the ground prostrate pleading with God for another way. His flesh did not want to die.

 ”Father take this cup from me”.

 How many times do we utter those same words? Times get tough and we don’t feel God and we ask Him to remove the cup. Sickness, Death, Foreclosure, and financial problems fill our cup with anxiety and pain. Sometimes like Jesus we feel like our cup is too much to bear.

That cup hurts.

That cup is nasty.

That cup is bitter.

      That cup …… …. ….. is neccessary.

I’m so glad that Jesus proclamation continued with a comma and not a period.

“, nevertheless not as I will but as thou will. “

 Because after that comma is our victory. After that comma is the reason why we too must drink from the cup. After that comma is the reason why we suffer. After that comma is joy because you are submitting your circumstance to the one who was in control all along.

So the question is this; What is in your cup today? …Can you talk to God and utter those words?

Don’t ask God to remove the cup, instead ask God for His strength as you drink it.

“, nevertheless not as I will but as thou will. “

Edub

Even so Lord Jesus come …

Also I urge everyone to get the book The Desire of Ages by Ellen G. White and read that chapter on Gethsemane.